early morning reflection

I was so tired last night; I went to bed thinking that I would sleep forever. I laid down and fell asleep fast, which is odd for me. When I woke up this morning I was surprised at how noticeably refreshed I felt. To my amazement I soon realized that I was up very early, before 5 am. This is unfamiliar territory for me, as I am usually pretty automatic about waking up right around 7am. Being foreign to me I felt a little frustrated with what to do. So I sat for a while. As I sat I began to ponder and to reflect, this I have not done with much regularity since returning home from my mission. My mind began to consider where I am in life. It quickly dawned on me that I am about to turn 30. Upon this realization I immediately reviewed my mental list of "goals before thirty". Questions filled my mind, "have I fallen short, is there time to make things happen, am I living the life that I wanted when I was five years old?" I'm sure we all have thoughts like this, well don't we? Maybe we all don't.

At first I thought of the things I have fallen short on, weight loss, salary, savings, and of course the challenge of saving my hair. Yes, I have stressed many hours over my ever growing forehead. Have I failed myself with these goals? At this point in this morning’s reflections I was not feeling very proud of myself. But, there is something amazing about the gift of the Comforter, comfort is always delivered when one is in need of being comforted. Just as the depths of failure and regret grabbed a hold of my thoughts and attitudes, the comforter came. A memory flashed through my burden laden mind just in the nick of time.

She was beautiful, she was kind. Even better is she was mine. She love me, no she adored me. I was everything to her, her own hopes and dreams. The greatest feeling in the world was knowing that she choose me. She said no to all the others and she choose me. She made the choice to let me be her preverbal "knight in shining armor". With her I was empowered with confidence I had never before known. I felt control over my thoughts and ownership for my actions. I was changed, as if in the twinkle of an eye. She made me a man of accountability, of honor, of self worth. Her love validated every sacrifice I had made and would ever make to win her heart. I was made forever hers.

That morning was also a very early morning; it was a morning of deep pondering and reflection. As we kneeled across the alter we were instructed to look away at the sweet brother who performed our sealing. I could not, my eyes were locked in her gaze. Her beautiful, warm and compassionate eyes held my own. I was forever hers. That moment is the moment of my life. All else will pale in comparison.

I am grateful for the comforter, and for the quite moments of the morning. I am grateful that my mind was allowed to wonder down the path of self reflection. I have fallen short; I have failed at many of my goals before 30. However, I have been reminded that failure is part of success. I have been blessed today. Memories are the molecules of eternity. My favorite memory saved me from myself today.

I know that God lives! He is my Heavenly Father. He wants the best for me, he loves me. He wants me to remember the moments he has blessed me with, good and bad. He wants me to find purpose in each moment of the day. I know that we are His children. We are here on earth to learn and to grow, to overcome the natural man and all the imperfections we each have. We are here on earth to be in a family, to learn to get through anything. "Those who flee the family flee the world", Elder Neal A. Maxwell. Our Heavenly Father sent his Son, our Savior Jesus Christ to help us know that we are not sent to earth to try and to fail only. We were sent her to fail then to be lifted as many times as we need. He has not left us alone. Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley taught that "God does love us and He watches over us, but it is usually through the hands of another that He meets our needs." Who am I to not help my brother? I have been lifted after failure of my own doing by others. I hope to be there for you.